John’s Musings

The past week has been pretty good. I have spent a good amount of time with my mother and sisters, and have enjoyed said time very much. I’ve been working 8-hour days since Monday, the 16th, and will be working full days until Saturday. The work is nice, but I’m definitely looking forward to my next day off.

I’m working very hard at acquiring new web development clients while completing projects for existing clients. I hope to start making some cash that way, as Kroger’s ~$250 a week fails to satisfy me.

So that’s what’s new in my life.

-John

Let’s revisit This Dying Soul, by Dream Theater

Born into this world a broken home
Surrounded by love yet all alone
Forced into a life that's split in two
A mother and a father both pulling you

Then you had to deal with loss and death
Everybody thinking they know best
Coping with this shit at such an age
Can only fill a kid with pain and rage

Family disease pumped through your blood
Never had the chance you thought you could
Running all the while with no escape
Turning all that pain in to blame and hate

Living on your own by twenty one
Not a single care and having fun
Consuming all the life in front of you
Burning out the fuse and smoking the residue

Life is crazy. I’m working a lot right now. It keeps me busy; preventing me from having to think as much about what’s going on with my family. I swear, if I think about it too much, it will drive me nuts. Yet, I don’t think avoiding this is doing me any good.

I just wish life would make sense for once. I’d like things to wrap up and be good for a while. Ever since I was 10, my family has gone through a ton of unexplainable shit. My brother dying, constant moving, ever-present rejection, serious issues with my parents, my sister leaving home, and everything else that’s transpired makes me wonder if this will ever end.

I know the answer. I know I can make it end for myself. I’ll make a life for myself, and do my very best to try to prevent the same from happening again.

But I’m not the only person in this equation. There are others I must worry about. And that doesn’t make things any easeir.

I feel like I’m on the outside looking in right now. This doesn’t seem real.

I come into work today, and immediately learn that Jessica’s boyfriend (who is now her former boyfriend) was informed about the relationship that Jessica and I had while he was in boot camp. I learned that on Saturday night he was boiling with rage over it. Fortunately (for him), one of my co-workers talked him out of attempting to inflict bodily harm on me. I talked with him today and straightened things out. I told him that what I did was something that guys don’t do to other guys, and that I only pursued Jessica because I was led to believe that she was single at the time. He was cool with that, and we are now cool.

Dang, work is one big gossip network. It’s a big pain in the ass sometimes.